Happiness in marriage
Happiness in marriage – compromise or sacrifice?
It happens in the movies, but in life it often happens differently. Lilya and Anton got married almost a year ago and at first did not want to be separated even for a minute. They did everything together: they watched common TV shows, and they chose a common restaurant, and friends, and went to bed, of course, together. But the day came when everyone in their hearts admitted that they are not Siamese twins, and they have a lot of different things. Lilya was tired of listening to “his” music, and Anton was tired of listening to “her” TV shows, now they were arguing about the choice of a restaurant, and Anton could not stand some of the young wife’s girlfriends. Anton didn’t like that Lily was arguing, and Lily didn’t like Anton’s ponytail. Anton starts talking about his problems for the day right from the doorway, but Lilya can’t stand it, because she believes that at home you don’t need to talk about work. Lily loves her kitty, and Anton is allergic to her fur. Conflicts arise continuously, it is good that the newlyweds are able to discuss the differences that have arisen and reach a compromise, but, unfortunately, this does not please both of them.
As loving people, they understand that someone must give in, otherwise a break cannot be avoided. But everyone is sure that it should not be done by him. Lilya is afraid that her friend will say: “Well, you caved in!” After all, she warned Lily about this before the wedding, instructed her from her own experience. In her opinion, as soon as she began to give in and sacrifice her habits, she became like herself. There was a feeling, she said, that you were losing something, tearing it away from yourself irrevocably, sort of voluntarily, but it turns out forcibly. And gradually you turn from a woman-personality into a caring mother. You live by its interests, its problems, its pleasures. And we became not husband and wife, but mother and son, and therefore parted. Remember, she liked to repeat, the integrity of your personality is above all! And love and respect! And Anton believed that family life is not an altar on which someone’s interests should be burned, at least not his interests. But he didn’t know what to do either. A doubt crept in: maybe this is not my soul mate, if we are so different?
Agree that each of us has been in such a life situation at the dawn of building our family nest. Someone was lucky to find a solution that saved the family, someone was not. So what is the meaning of family happiness – in sacrifices or compromises? How often do we, without hesitation, begin to burn our “I” on the family altar just because we believe our friends and current myths how to arrange our family happiness. Let’s get rid of at least the most common mistakes.
“Your task is to instill in men how outstanding and extraordinary they are, and that everything turns out better for them than for a woman, no matter what they undertake, because they have such a sensitive ego.” Many people have morbid self-esteem, and women too. That’s not the point. You should not constantly flatter a man, while trying to belittle yourself. Consider whether your chosen one will be pleased with your reputation as an inept and slow woman?
“Money for the family should be earned by a man.” It is unlikely that it will be normal if, for the sake of this installation, you refuse profitable offers or hide your big earnings.
“A man does not like it when a woman looks smarter than him.” Think, if a man is afraid that his chosen one will not be smarter than him, it means that he himself does not have enough intelligence to evaluate the intelligence of his girlfriend. A truly intelligent person will be proud of a smart wife and rely on her advice.
“The last word is always with the man, and in general he should decide and lead.” Psychologists say that personal relationships are stronger if built on partnership, equality.